Mary on Horseback

We've been reading "Mary on Horseback" as part of Elena's Sonlight curriculum. It's a book about Mary Breckenridge and her team of mounted nurses that go through the backwoods of Kentucky doing medical work. Overall, very good stories (and, of course, it helps that they're true). We mark key points in Elena's Book of Time, and we note locations on her Markable Map. But that's not what prompted me to write. It's the food! It's not just the chicken gizzard sandwich. Here's the meal that really stopped me in my tracks: "Their mother mixes old coffee with hot bacon grease and pours it over biscuits and fatback." Wow.

Developmental Milestones

My mother reminds me that I should note some of these things: Dmitri started rolling over back to front at about 3mos; he now does it frequently and comfortably. He CAN roll front to back, but he's not as comfortable with it. He also started laughing (not just squealing) about a week ago (he's almost four months old now).

I have been pleased to discover some of the cause of Elena's difficult behaviour lately. I almost made a post with something like "Who stole my sweet child and replaced her with this hellion??" but refrained because I hate to call names. But she had been being VERY difficult. Turns out she was probably hungry. We'd been waiting to hear from her that she wanted to eat, but, unfortunately, this is often too late for her. She doesn't want to stop and eat (or go to the bathroom) if she's doing things she enjoys. Her behaviour has been MUCH improved since we've been more proactively trying to feed her more frequently. We've been trying to feed her BEFORE her behaviour deteriorates (like we try to get her to sleep before she's gone wild in her tiredness) and it's been very helpful. It is still difficult to get her to sit down and eat. And it sometimes tries my patience because she eats so much more slowly than all the adults in the house. But it's worth it.

"Diaper Free Baby"

As most of you already know (as I suspect that our only readers are family and a few friends), we are using "Elimination Communication" (AKA "Infant potty training," AKA "Diaper-free baby") with our now 9-week-old son, Dmitri. We don't do this in a super-intense way (which, I guess, might be leaving Dmitri bare-bummed much of the time), but we've still been rather pleased with the results. We started by just trying to potty him (in a Baby Bjorn Little Potty or a potty bowl) whenever we changed his diaper. We use a "psss" signal to cue him to pee (though I wonder whether it's the position we hold him in that serves as more of a cue). We also work to understand his signals. This is the part that I think baffles most people--how can we tell when he needs to pee? Since the people asking this are often people who breastfeed on demand or are at least familiar with that concept, we find that to be a good way to understand what we do. You know when your kid needs to nurse, right? Well before they're crying? There are all these subtle signs that you pick up on (fist in mouth, trying to suckle on any bare skin, etc). Well, it's the same sort of thing with pottying.

I've been mentally putting together insights about this experience (one in particular prompting this post) and wanted to compile them. One of the most helpful tips that I read was that when the baby fusses, assume first that he needs to pee rather than assuming he needs to nurse. In reality, a baby pees far more frequently than he nurses, so it's a better bet that that's the problem. So we always try to pee the baby before I nurse him. It was also helpful to realize that Dmitri fusses BEFORE he actually pees, not because he has a wet diaper (as we had previously assumed was the case with babies fussing because they "need to be changed"). When he's asleep and starts stirring or squirming, it's actually often because he has to pee. In the past, I would have nursed him back to sleep without thinking about him needing to pee (fitting with our general idea of "Nursing is the solution even when hunger is not the problem"). But my new philosophy is to check to see if he needs to pee. I have been very pleasantly surprised with the results of this experiment. I have many times now found that if I pop him on the pot when he fusses or squirms while sleeping, he'll pee and go straight back to sleep (no nursing necessary).

The other very reliable sign that he needs to eliminate is when he stops nursing. Often, he'll be nursing (when hungry, not just to calm down or for whatever other reason) and he'll just stop, popping off the breast. This almost always means he needs to go (often to poop, actually). I assume that this is at least partially due to the gastro-colic reflex. Poops are, I think, easier to catch because the signs are so much more obvious (grunting, farting) and because we make the practice of always trying to have him "finish" a poop on the toilet even if he's started in his diaper. We actually don't have to deal with poopy diapers very often anymore.

By far the most helpful thing we've done, though, is leaving Dmitri without a diaper cover. I have noted for a while now that leaving him without a cover greatly increases the percentage of pees that I catch (from catching a minority of pees--maybe 30%--to a majority--sometimes as many as 75-80%). We still catch pees when he wears a cover, but the diaper is almost always wet when we go to catch a pee. (Any catch is fun, but the most fun is when you catch a pee and get to put back on the same dry diaper.) I've been trying to figure out why this seems to make such a difference. My first suspicion was that I'm simply more vigilant when Dmitri isn't wearing a cover because I don't want to get peed on. Also, I think it's helpful to know right away when he's peed because it's useful in terms of timing (if he's just peed, I know he probably won't go again for at least 20 minutes if not an hour). I know it's also helpful to have the get-the-diaper-off, get-him-on-the-pot process be quicker, and forgoing the cover helps with that (as does having a pot right where I'm sitting, rather than having to walk him to the bathroom). But I think that there's something on his end, too, that makes having no cover helpful. Observing his sleeping has led me to this conclusion. I have now tried several times to leave him without a cover for naps (and, more recently, at night as well). I figured that the coverless diaper (MotherEase one-size's, by far our favourites for a variety of reasons) would keep a fountain from occurring. I also laid him down on a square of thick wool blanket that is inside a pillowcase. This serves as a moisture barrier between him and the bed, just in case (because I hate changing sheets). I was surprised when, several times, after sleeping for 2-3 hours, I would find him dry. When he fussed as he was waking, I'd pee him and just put his dry diaper back on. Sometimes he would go right back to sleep. Sometimes the nap was over (but 2-3 hours is long enough for a nap, I think). Last night, I tried this at night and found it to work similarly. He slept from 10pm to 3am, completely dry. I actually woke him up to pee and nurse at three even though he wasn't stirring. I have almost never found him to have a dry diaper after that many hours of sleep when he wears a cover, only when he's coverless. Which makes me think that he somehow experiences it differently.

Another small insight (this is maybe too obvious, but I'll say it anyway): he doesn't pee when crying. If we're trying to pee him when he's all upset, it's crucial to calm him down first. Peeing requires relaxation.

Also, to address a common misconception: we are not doing this to get him to be potty trained super early. We just don't want him to get used to eliminating in his clothing in the first place, and we want to reduce the amount of time that he spends sitting in a wet diaper (given how often infants pee, I've realized that they sit in wet diapers the majority of the time. This must be why so many people want diapers that "feel dry" to the kid).

Feel free to ask questions in the comments.

"Mama, is there school today?"

This is what I've been hearing multiple times a day since I've been home on maternity leave with our new son, Dmitri. What's interesting is what she means by it. Lately, we have been spending much of our days in imaginary play revolving around being in a school. This was all Elena's doing. She insisted that I ask the students to raise their hands in order to talk, for example. She calls me "teacher" and loves it when I call her "student" and when I pretend to not be sure what her name is. The other students in the class are named Sammy, Frederick, Apple, Pear, and Banana. It's fascinating to see how much more happily and successfully she participates in daily chores as well as obviously schoolish activities (like me writing words on a dry erase board and having the "students" figure out what they say) when she's in pretend-mode. So doing the watering outside and feeding the animals becomes part of a "class field trip." One of the students (Sammy) often needs some help with things (I think he's a bit younger than Elena), and she loves showing him how to do things and helping him out. For example, she showed Sammy how to use the Graduated Cylinders, explaining the process out loud the whole time. Also, if I notice that Elena needs to pee, sometimes I'll make a whole-class potty break (in which all the students go to the bathroom; Elena's usually in the middle of the line to go) or I'll say that Sammy has to go the the bathroom and could she please help him out since he gets a little scared to go alone. She happily complies. (Going to the bathroom has sometimes been a power struggle with her.)

I'm amazed at how easy it is to get Elena to do something by saying, "Okay, class: raise your hand if you want to be the person who picks up the toys and puts them in this box" instead of just asking her to pick up the toys. This whole things reminds me of this article http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/27/magazine/27tools-t.html that cited research showing that kids could stand still for some four times longer if they were pretending to be a guard than if they were just asked to stand still. The same article emphasized imaginary play as possibly being the most important thing that kids do in kindergarten, particularly in the development of executive functioning (you should check out the article; it's really interesting).

We are, generally, very opportunistic schoolers. For example, Elena's recent watching of Wallace and Gromit's "A Grand Day Out" led to quite an extended investigation into the moon and the planets. Now, for a couple of days, Erich and Elena have been discussing and reading about the planets. Elena has many interesting questions and we work to answer them. I have been enjoying the Sonlight curriculum because Elena frequently wants to be read to and the Sonlight stuff provides a lot of interesting quality books that spark good discussions. She especially loves Usborne's Living Long Ago. After we cover each module (Vikings, Middle Ages, Reformation-era Europe, etc), we find something to put onto the timeline (a great "Book of Time" that came with the Sonlight package) and something to write on the Markable Map (another sonlight thing). These are activities that Elena really enjoys, though she's not always in the mood for them. And when she's not in the mood, I don't worry about it. She will come back to it later. Part of me really wants to be quizzing her to make sure that she's actually retaining some of the material, but I am comforted by hearing her ask good questions about it and hearing her incorporate things from past "lessons" into current discussions (little things like when reading about the Vikings taking slaves she jumped in with, "Just like Saint Patrick was a slave!" I hadn't been sure that anything from the story of Patrick had sunk in).

One of our challenges lately has been coming to realize that Elena has a greater need for social interaction than either Erich or I had when we were children. Both Erich and I were more loners in school and loved learning stuff on our own. Elena seldom wants to do things (for example, work with her Montessori materials) on her own, but she is willing to do just about anything if it means she gets to do it WITH someone. We're trying to take this as actually being part of her "learning style" and going with it rather than trying to fight it so much. Though creating a "classroom" full of other "students" has helped, giving her some imaginary social interaction. This way, I don't have to sit there with her doing the activity, but I can be working on something else and just pipe in with things that "Sammy" might say.

My last highlight from this pretend world is from yesterday: Elena managed to have a rousing game of tag with the other "students" on the lawn. Highly enjoyable for Elena. Hilarious to watch.

Look Inside >> January/February 2010

I need some education...

We're in the process of setting up the new Montessori materials that we've received. Elena is very excited about learning to use all of them. Of course, this means that my mother and I have to learn how to present them (though I suspect that my mother will gravitate more toward doing some of the read-aloud and craft stuff on the more Sonlight side of our curriculum rather than the Montessori presentations, but who knows). One foundational thing I'm trying to get a good grasp of is the "Three Period Lesson." http://www.infomontessori.com/sensorial/three-period-lesson.htm is a good, relatively detailed description of how it works, but here's the summary I'm trying to get solidified in my head:

1. Naming: "This is an ovoid. This is a square. This is a triangle."

2. Recognition: "Point to [hand me] the ovoid. Point to the triangle. Point to the square."

3. Recall: Instructor points, asking "What is this?" (Requiring the child to come up with the name).

1. This is... 2. Show me... 3. What is this?

I'm prepping to do this with the new teen bead materials ("This is eleven..."). See http://www.infomontessori.com/mathematics/skip-and-counting-teens-quantity.htm

We've also been looking at the new puzzle maps. I haven't looked up the official presentations for these yet, but have allowed Elena to take out (and then put back) the pieces on the continents map while I give her the names and have her repeat them (I suppose in a sense, this is step one of the three period lesson). What this has really highlighted to me, though, is my general lack of good geography skills. I did know all the continents, but I had to look up some of the countries on South America (the easiest continent, in my opinion), and that was the only continent I was even CLOSE to knowing all the countries on. But this is part of the joy of homeschooling--getting to learn along with one's child! Because there's no shame in 1. not knowing everything and 2. showing your child how you find out information.

Familial relationships seem to have finally sunk in. Elena can now pretty accurately identify how people in her family are related to each other ("Your father is my grandfather." "Your brother is my uncle."). This is interesting because it demonstrates some of the fading of the egocentrism that goes with this (Piaget) stage of development. Strong egocentrism orients everything to the self ("Who is that woman?" "My mama." "Is she also Papa's wife?" "NO! She is MY MAMA!"). Along with this, as one would expect, we are seeing the development of theory of mind, though this is far from complete in her. No examples come readily to mind right now, but I do remember noting them.

Part of me also wants to note her understanding of familial relationships because I think there is buried somewhere a desire in me to prove (to myself?) that she's learning things at home that she would be learning if she were in school. But I actually have very little idea of what kids learn in the early school years. I'm confident that things like language, math, and geography are covered, but lately it's occurred to me that were Elena in a more traditional school, it might also cover things like learning the seasons of the year, making a family tree, and maybe even stringing a necklace (which she learned to do recently, much to her delight).

Even though my stated philosophy is to not worry much about what she's learning because she's naturally driven to learn and because if left uninhibited and provided with a rich atmosphere, she'll pick up on what she needs to, there's still a part of me that wonders how what she gets here at home compares to what she would be getting elsewhere. More out of curiosity than any sense of doubt that we're doing the right thing by educating her here.

And because I know that once we reach school age, we'll have to be "proving" regularly to the state that she's learning at home what she'd learn at school. So I think that's the source of this desire to practice extracting out of the million things she does during the day some of the things that might be considered "school activities."

Breathing

We were reading about sharks and how they draw water over their gills and extract the oxygen from it. This led to a discussion of how humans get oxygen from the air when they breathe. I asked Elena, "Have YOU ever breathed before?" She looked at me and a smile spread across her face as she exclaimed, "I just did!" Then she spent the next several minutes giggling and saying, "I just breathed AGAIN!" It was a hoot.

mycology lesson

We have some interesting mushrooms growing in the yard that Erich suspects are some edible form of ink caps (Coprinus comatus, "Shaggy mane inky cap"). Elena is participating in the identification with Papa. They went out and got a couple fresh mushrooms. They're making a spore-print and are drawing the mushroom, all in the effort of accurately identifying it so as to determine whether it is safe to eat. I'm not entirely sure what Elena will pick up from this exercise, but it sure seems educational. Though part of our teaching philosophy is that just about everything she does is "educational." Still, the mushroom identification is a fun lesson.

Science Lesson

We have been trying to go to the library more often. On our most recent trip, Elena picked out a book on bones (among other interesting books). Reading this with her has led to a discussion of how the brain is protected by the skull and the spinal cord is protected by the spine, but what Elena seems to have latched on to the most today is how the brain sends messages to her body through her spinal cord. Now, every few minutes, she'll say, "I just moved my leg again! My brain sent a message telling my leg to move!" like this is the most miraculous thing. Which, I suppose, it is.