Obedience

We've been expecting more from Elena lately. For example, more and more, if she makes a mess, we expect her to clean it up.

This is not always well received. Either she does it right away, or she refuses. We give her a time out until she does her part around here, but Elena is stubborn. Often, she'll end up in time out for 45 minutes or even an hour.

However, I'm finding that perhaps obedience isn't the core problem here. I take the opportunity to talk with Elena, if I can find her amidst her tears. Here's a conversation that just happened after Elena popped the knob off of one of Nonna's drawers:

ER: sob sob sob
Me: Elena, are you ready to put the knob up on the counter (we thought that would be enough -- she wouldn't be able to put it back on)
ER: sob sob sob
Me: Ok, you can stay in time out then.
ER: sob sob squirm. Hold me?
Me: After you get out of time out.
ER: sob sob sob
Me: What's wrong, honey?
ER: I'm scared
Me: You're scared? What are you scared of?
ER: I want to roooock
Me: Well, we can rock right after you put the knob back. Put the knob back and then we'll go rock.
ER: Watch Sesame Street?
Me: Yes, we can do that. Just put the knob back and then we'll go do that.

She hopped right down and tried to screw the knob back on. I got it started and she finished it up.

I'm suspecting that she's starting to freak out when she gets put into time out, because she thinks her concerns won't be listened to. Talking through her emotions with her is bringing better results than just purely disciplinary action, and it's helping her express her emotional state. In fact, it's interesting to watch her struggle to put words to what she's feeling. Often, when she's talked through what's happening inside, then she's willing to do as we've asked.